Seek his kingdom

I just finished cutting. 

My first time in 2016. 

There goes my New Year’s resolution. 
I haven’t been taking my medicine. Partly because it’s inconvenient, and partly because I’m tired of it. Sometimes I feel like I’ll be fine without it. Sometimes I feel like I’m rebelling against it because I want to feel this way. I want to cut. I want to feel hopeless. 

But other times…I just want to be normal. I want to be happy and laugh at the little things. Lately, laughing takes a whole lot of effort. Everything takes a whole lot of effort. 

I’m trying to fill the hole in my heart with a man, but I’m not having much luck. Every time it seems like someone wants to be with me, their actions show that they are only interested in fucking me. 

I suppose I’ll just continue feeling this way until I decide I want to be better. 
Sincerely,

Medicated Perfection.