If it’s not one thing, it’s another.

Hello whoever still follows me,

I have been absent-minded about posting on this blog for quite awhile. Honestly, my life has ben going well, and when I post on here, I tend to think only of the negative because that is what consumes this blog: negativity.

BUT

I am back to discuss my current problem: food. Although my depression and self-harm have not been an issue recently, my eating disorder symptoms have increased as I have begun a very strict diet with my mothe. My mother and I are on the HCG diet. This diet is known for the dieter administering a shot of the HCG hormone that feeds off stored fat instead of stored muscle when in starvation mode. (HCG is the hormone women produce when they’re pregnant.) SO. Basically, the diet consists of 3 phases. 

  1. Phase 1: loading. This means you eat as much as you can stand for 2-3 days to prepare for the next phase. 
  2. Phase 2: 600 calories. This phase consists of eating 600 calories of certain verified foods and restricting all starch, dairy, and sugar for 3 weeks. Of course, it is a bit more complex than that, but I’m too lazy to type it. 
  3. Phase 3: 800 calories. This phase consists of eating 800 calories and still restricting starch and most sugars for three weeks, but dairy and more foods are allowed during this phase. 

My mother and I started this diet at the beginning of the year, and I have lost 16 lbs so far which is great for a month and a half. We are currently on phase 2 of our second round of the diet. 

Here is the catch. 

Last round I cheated a lot and did not lose as much weight as I could’ve. I would binge dessert foods then throw them up. I would avoid eating all day so I could binge on cookies and frosting before I went to bed. I was doing all of the unhealthy things that got me out into an eating disorder facility last year.

 So this round I am very determined to lose more weight than the last. But…at what cost? I am supposed to eat 600 calories every day, but I’ve mostly been eating 300-500. When I am on campus, I avoid eating. I am trying to only eat with my mom to lose more weight. I have lost 4 lbs since I started phase 2 which was 3 days ago. So I’m impressed with my results, and seeing the numbers go down on the scale only encourages me to continue restriciting my diet more than it already is. 

My overeating and lack of eating has always been an issue, but I would like to lose 20-40 lbs by June. My brother is getting married, and I am in the wedding. I also need to keep the guy I’m dating interested in me, and losing weight will do that. 

So yeah. 

Sincerely,

Medicated Perfection.