I’m doing well today.
I mean, I’m alright.
I was bad last night.
I made art. On my arms.
I was supposed to drive back to school today.
Now I’m in a local mental health and addiction rehabilitation center waiting to be “evaluated.”
Happy New Year to me.
Happy New Year, y’all! I hope everyone had a safe night.
It’s interesting. New Year’s Eve parties are where people get drunk and celebrate the end of a year. Then, New Year’s Day is when everyone wakes up slightly hungover and then decides they need to fix everything bad about their life because it is a “new year.”
What some people don’t understand is that you can change whenever the hell you feel like. If you don’t like the way your life is going, you can make a change on March 3rd. NO ONE CARES. For example, tonight with some friends, I was stupidly dared to change shirts with a guy. Then a few turns later, we changed back.
Changing is that simple. You just decide to change, then be that way. Right?
People have told me that instead of being depressed I should be happy. But it’s not that easy. I wish it was…you have no idea how much I wish it was that easy.
No one can understand what you’re going through though, because everyone’s depression is different. For example, my depression has OCD tendencies and psychotic features such as, auditory and visual hallucinations. I take two anti-depressants and an anti-psychotic. I also take many vitamins and a thyroid medication. Plus, I am allergic to corn and am on a gluten-free and dairy-free diet. Sound difficult? Yeah, well, it’s been worse. Trust me.
Although I do so much and try so hard to be better, nothing ever changes. Because sometimes change isn’t possible. No matter how hard one tries, some things are just too much a part of them.
No matter how hard I try…my depression is just too much a part of me.
I will never be fully changed because I will always be the same old depressed Rosie that is responsible for terrible decisions and terrible actions that become what I have to deal with everyday.
So today is just another day on my roller coaster. I will continue tightly holding on while I am taken through unforeseeable twists and turns. As always.
You can call me Rosie.
Starting on January 1st, 2015, for the next year,
hopefully, I will be writing on this here blog about whatever I want. Mainly because it’s the Internet and I can, but also because I am a 20 year old college student with major depressive disorder with psychotic features.
I left you with a nice cliffhanger there, huh?
So then, goodbye…for now.