I have these nights where the voices won’t leave me alone. Nights where I cut until they let me stop. Tonight, they made me cut for 20 minutes. The only reason they let me stop is because I ran out of room on my wrist.
They get angry when I try to get help or others try to help me. So asking for help is too hard. They get louder and louder until I can’t separate my thoughts from them.
I don’t want to die. But I do. I really do.
But I want to get married and have kids. I want to have a career. I want to see my baby’s first steps, their first tooth, their first day of school, and their graduation.
I want so many things. But right now it doesn’t seem that I’ll be able to get them because I won’t make it through this alive.
I guess I will just go to sleep and then wake up and do it all over again. I hate this.